Looking Forward After a Step Back

LGBTQ Ministry member Ben Timmins is a junior in the College of Communication and the founder of "The Little Victories," a bi-weekly arts and opinion blog at www.thelittlevictories.com.

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Gay people, think for a moment about a long-term relationship. Now, think about all the wonderful things you can look forward to with that relationship:

• Paying more taxes than married straight couples
  
• Being unable to visit your partner in the hospital
  
• Not being able to adopt your partner's kids.

But think of it this way: at least it isn't illegal to be gay here!

That kind of mentality- that LGBTQ people in the United States aren't breaking the law by being who they are but are left behind by the law when they decide to commit to marriage, is exactly the kind of thinking that warrants the phrase "One step forward, two steps back." It's a good bit of luck, then, that it was also the name of the last OUTlook lecture hosted by the LGBTQ Ministry, which featured the legal opinions of (happily married) BU LAW professor Dr. Robert Volk.

The talk couldn't have come at a better (or worse) time. Just 48 hours before Dr. Volk took the podium at the School of Education auditorium, the voters of Maine had narrowly passed Question One, which nullified the Maine Legislature's 2009 bill that allowed Maine to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Maine became the the second state in two years to grant the right to marry to same-sex couples, only to have that right rescinded by a ballot initiative. The event, originally called "Two Steps Forward, One Step Back", was renamed the day before the event to reflect the mood: Iowa was now the only state in the win column for Equality this year.

The win stunned people who thought that 2009 could be "the year" for same-sex marriage, especially after wins in Iowa and New Hampshire as well as civil-union bills around the country. It shocked the LGBT community, the Maine residents who thought the northern state was beyond discrimination. It even stunned super-pollster and incredible predictor Nate Silver.

But the win for same-sex marriage foes in Maine's biggest feat? It illustrated to the LGBTQ community something that we long feared: that, on multiple occasions, something we see as a right (enumerated by state legislatures or supreme courts) has been rescinded, locked away, or neutered by the will of a voter's majority.

It's also something that differed greatly from the earlier losses for same-sex marriage. In 2004, in response to the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruling that same-sex couples could be married because it would be unconstitutional to deny them that right, states across the US (stocked with what Dr. Volk called 'vibrating conservatives') moved to change their constitutions, pass laws, anything to stop same-sex marriage entering their borders. But in all of these cases, voters were charged with preventing something that hadn't happened- denying same-sex couples the right to marry in, say, Kentucky, wasn't a big deal--gays were never really allowed to marry.

But with the big win for Proposition 8 in California, the new precedent was set: the California Supreme Court had ruled that denying marriage to same-sex couples was unconstitutional, and the voters--en masse--registered their disagreement. Couples who were given the right to marry in California, among them Talk Show Television's first gay couple (Oprah/Gayle conspiracy theorists, stick with me on this one) Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres, and then had that right removed.

It's all very...sad.

Not only was it sad, Dr. Volk said, but probably not right, either. Volk devoted a bulk of his opinion to the Prop 8 decision's ethics, coming to the conclusion that if marriage is a civil right (and LGBT people generally do hold it to be one), it is not the job of the majority to decide the civil rights of the minority. Citing cases like Brown vs. Board of Education in the Supreme Court and bills like the Civil Rights Act in the Congress, the majority of people (many of whom did not support either outcome) had no say in the rights of the minority.

But the precedent is still there, and the support will probably stay there for some time: popular support for same-sex marriage closely tracks age, and because of this it will take time for a true majority of equality-supportive Americans exists. As Professor Volk said, "some people just need to die off." Want your grandparents and your husband/wife of the same gender? Survey results and simple math say that might be difficult.

But this all leaves us with one big question: is there hope? To answer that, take a minute and look at where you are right now.

As you sit and read this, thirty states have constitutions prohibiting same-sex marriage. The National Organization for marriage, headed by Maggie Gallagher and her conservative-christian-"flapper" haircut, is claiming victories for "traditional marriage" in California and Maine. Carrie Prejean, the beauty queen who told gossip-blogger Perez Hilton that she "only believed in opposite marriage"? Yeah, she threw a temper tantrum on national television this week, and she's going to make lots of money off of it.

Before you reach for the Ben & Jerry's and turn up the Sara Bareilles, though, think a little bit more. Five states in the union grant same-sex couples marriage licenses. 14 of them protect students from bullying based on perceived sexual orientation, and you can't be fired from your job for being (or looking) gay in 20 states. Perez Hilton, the world's most flambuoyant--and odious--homosexual, hasn't been killed for being gay. Neither has Kurt from 'Glee'.

It's taken us 40 years to go from getting beaten up in bars to being out in the workplace, taking public office, and getting married in some (possibly un-american) states. As the Broadway musical Hairspray (you didn't think this column wouldn't talk about Broadway, did you?) would tell us, "We've come so far, but we've got so far to go."

Profile on Liz Douglass

A student wrote a profile about Liz Douglass for one of her classes. Below is the final result.

In a basement room of Marsh Chapel, Liz Douglass pins a rainbow-striped ribbon under her Boston University nametag and motions for the six students hovering by the door to sit in a semicircle of chairs.

Most of the students already met over dinner together last week, but this is the first discussion-style meeting of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning (LGBTQ) Ministry. Students are still getting acquainted, with each other and with their own beliefs. In her poised and even voice, Douglass delivers a short prayer, then she leans back in her chair and listens to the rest of the group make announcements.

Douglass founded the LGBTQ Ministry two years ago to provide the gay community at BU with something she didn’t have as an undergraduate: a safe place to talk about religion and homosexuality. Beyond completing that goal, she has also become a role model and the humble leader of a small group of students.

“She’s the person who’s past our stage and has already resolved her sexuality and her beliefs,” said Brent Sugay, a junior who joined at the ministry’s start. “It’s nice to have a mentor figure at the meetings.”

Sugay says he is an atheist and joined the group to support a friend. The alternating weeks of dinner and discussion, however, have shown him the importance of resolving sexuality and religion for some of his peers.

Douglass begins the dialogue every year by sharing her own story, but her listening skills and humility, rather than her words, cultivates the group’s strong support system, Sugay said.

Instead, Sugay’s friend Tyler Sit does most of the talking. Sit runs the group alongside Douglass as the Marsh Associate for LGBTQ Students and a member of Spectrum, BU’s LGBTQ social group.

“She’s not like a lot of other people who enter the leadership of the church. She’s not charismatic or bubbly; she’s really grounded,” Sit said. “Liz listening as much as she does allows people to realize that this isn’t a place where you have to have all the answers.”

Douglass has found peace with her identity, but she doesn’t try to persuade students to accept or adapt her lifestyle, Sit said. When, for example, the group analyzes Bible passages that many Christians use to condemn gays, she appears to value all opinions the same, despite her own firm interpretation, Sit said.

Only recently has Douglass found such confidence in her views on religion. She came out when she was a senior at Kent State University, involved with Christian student organization and hoping to work at a campus ministry. The Ohio native’s post-graduation plans came to an abrupt halt as she began grappling with her conservative Protestant upbringing, disapproval from her classmates and, most of all, her faith.

“They were just like, ‘You’re wrong, this is bad, get out,’” Douglass said. “I didn’t know anything, only a few passages in the Bible people liked to throw in my face, but how could I argue with that? That’s what the Bible said, and that’s all I knew at the time.”

After graduation, Douglass began questioning all she had been taught. She Googled her options and found a church in Ohio with a strong gay congregation. There, she met a gay pastor, something she never even knew existed.

Her soul searching took her to Boston, where she met a lesbian pastor at United Parish in Brookline, who encouraged her to enroll at the Boston University School of Theology. She started the LGBTQ Ministry at Marsh for a field education requirement, earned her Masters in Divinity Studies last year and now works at Marsh as a Chapel Associate.

“I just wanted to be around people like me, Christian and gay, where it was okay,” she said. “I was so sheltered, I had no idea there were people like that. Not all Christians think the same.”

With ambitions to become a pastor herself, Douglass has learned to stand up for herself but also to respect others’ beliefs, regardless of what they think of homosexuality. Despite her example, some students in the ministry still decide being gay is against their religion. All Douglass can do is offer them an ear and hope for their happiness, she said.

A new member this year, Kate Rogers, said she is unsure of her sexuality but loves analyzing Biblical references on the subject. Though she recently transferred to BU from University of New Hampshire, Rogers has already met with Douglass twice to chat about the Bible over coffee.

“I don’t think there’s a question yet that I’ve asked her that she doesn’t have the answer to,” Rogers said. “It’s opened my eyes to different ideas, but it’s more me asking questions and her being, ‘Here’s my experience.’”

Brother Lawrence Whitney, the University Chaplain for Community Life, said controversies about homosexuality at STH kept him from hiring anyone to head an LGBTQ Ministry for years. When Douglass came to him with the idea, Whitney knew she was the right person to lead the group.

“Liz has a very pastoral presence. She has a very calm demeanor and is very welcoming to people and able to engage.” Whitney said. “A really good example is Angelo. Liz’s ability to work with him empowered him put [a lecture series] together successfully.”

Angelo Cella, a junior in his second year with the group, organized a lecture series this fall sponsored by the ministry. Titled “OUTlook,” the series features talks about homosexuality from several BU professors in their respective disciplines. Watching Douglass and Tyler create a close group of students out of nothing inspired Cella to suggest his own vision, he said.

“It’s the idea you can start a group just from people who want to be together,” Cella said about Douglass’ influence. “If someone didn’t speak up, we’d all be eating dinner alone.”

Take a walk in my shoes

I want to reply to Tyler's post because I'm feeling discouraged today. It's been a week of disturbing news stories from the gang rape of a high school girl to the burning alive of a fifteen year old boy to the results of Proposition 1 in Maine. Voting time seems to bring out the best and worst in people ranging from politicians, voters, religious groups, churches, secular organizations, news coverage, and media outlets. One side slams the other side, and they retaliate back with things just as bad. It goes back and forth until we think it can't possible get any worse. On the flip side, voting time also uncovers good. We see this in people fighting for equality, striving for justice, and politicians following through on their promises of moving towards the equality of all people, both nationally and globally.

Many fought for the best results in Maine on Proposition 1. The problem in this, is different people have different views on what the "best results" should be. Many of you who know me, know that I don't like to speak ill of groups or organizations, religious included, that are against the work I do and the full inclusion of LGBT folk in the Church and society. I am not writing this blog post in order to unleash my anger or frustration in the loss of another equality vote. But I do have some things to say, respectfully, because it's important to not let things like this be accepted.

I simply do not understand. I often go back to what was said in the movie Milk. Harvey Milk stated the importance of every lesbian and gay coming out to family, friends and co-workers. It's harder to be against something if it's up close and personal.

I hung out with a student today, and at one point I made the comment that it's often difficult to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. Is this part of the problem? The rights of LGBT folk are regarded as just an issue instead of being seen as affecting actual human lives. This isn't just some cause to be an advocate for or against - this is my life. Take a walk in my shoes, try on my style, see how far you get.

The result of Maine continues to leave me baffled, as did California's outcome last year. But I have to take a deep breath, take a step back, and calm my mind and spirit. While it's good to feel angry, it needs to be in moderation. I can't let that own me. I reflect on how far we've come as LGBT folk in this country, and I recognize the progress. And I firmly believe it will not always be this way, as it is in Maine today.

Just as Harvey Milk said many years ago, it is vital to have hope. What are we without it? No, we will not be silenced, but this will only make us more persistent for equality. We will continue to demand it. It is not ok or acceptable to deny us human rights, equality, and especially love.

We will remain a hopeful people because our hope can't be taken from us.

-LD

What Maine Means

In light of Maine repealing same-sex marriage, the LGBTQ community has a lot of questions to deal with--what do we do now? How do we maintain momentum? What does this mean for the future?

On Thursday, 11/5 at 7:00pm, SED 130 Professor Volk from the School of Law will be discussing the LGBTQ civil rights movement since the anti-sodomy laws were struck down in Lawrence v. Texas (2003). He will focus on what happened in Maine, what is happening in DC, and what the future holds for equality across the country.

No RSVP or tickets required, just come--whether you are LGBTQ or straight, a BU student or not, an activist or otherwise. Becaus this is a matter of civil rights, this concerns all of us.

Clear Your Mind, Create Peace

Last week, the LGBTQ group at Marsh Chapel invited Michael Bruffee, president of the Zen society to lead us in a time of meditation. Our meetings usually center on discussion, so this was a change from our normal format. Tyler and I asked a member of the group to write the blog post about the meeting. Here is what she had to say:

Voices are a remarkable thing. Especially in Boston, there’s no such thing as ensured quiet time. Just today I probably heard a thousand different phrases, and if we include the ongoing dialogue in my head, at least ten thousand. We are people bombarded with sentences, questions, prepositional phrases, questions spoken as sentences, and opinions spoken as facts. From this ongoing outer and inner dialogue has sprung a generation of self-conscious, often distracted, multi-taskers who no longer give 100% to any one thing. At any given moment it is far easier for me to split my time rather than devote it. For example, rather than give 100% attention to my English paper for an hour, I end up giving 60% on my paper, 10% choosing music, 20% to a Skype conversation, and 10% to Facebook for three hours.

Standing in line at CVS, waiting to purchase a tube of mascara that claimed to take my lashes “up, up, and away”, I admit I considered not attending the meditation meeting. I have attempted several kinds of meditation before, the majority ending ineffectively at best. Plus, I had two papers to write, a lab to finish, and a least three TV shows to catch up on. But I’m so glad I did. The Zen meditation we practiced had no words involved, just counting each breath up to ten and starting over. Sitting on the cushion, in the midst of minute one out of fifteen, I skeptically started counting to ten. Fifteen minutes sounded like almost forever to me, but it flew by. Deciding to actually attempt the exercise, I studied a spot on the floor, breathed slowly, kept my eyes open, and actually stopped my brain’s natural deviations every once and a while. When the meditation was over, I was surprised at how much I loved it.

The thing about dialogue is, no matter how necessary, it can often end up being messed up. Texts are misread, sentences are mistaken, and words lack follow up all the time. God is the only One I know of that can say the word and out spews perfect creations in all their glory. Sometimes its better to not have words bouncing around like a child in a bounce house. Taking time to literally clear your head creates space for awareness of the sounds we usually talk over or get annoyed by, like the dragging of a chair or the playing of an organ. The expectation of ourselves to be able to go and go from one thought, conversation, lecture, song, without taking time to re-charge and be blank generates stress and pressure. Finding time to stop thinking back or ahead, or at all, and knowing you have the power to clear your mind, can create peace that can’t be explained in words.

Love Conquers Hate

Love Conquers Hate

Remembering Eve Sedgwick

For those of you who may have missed the undergraduate student workshop today, there is another one tomorrow from 7-9pm. I suggest you check it out!

"How To Bring Your Kids Up Gay"

LD